Comments for Mind Your Thinking http://www.mindyourthinking.com musings about thinking, language and the brain Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:43:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Comment on Contact Ros by How anxiety can create a new reality | Mind Your Thinking http://www.mindyourthinking.com/contact-ros/comment-page-1/#comment-7 How anxiety can create a new reality | Mind Your Thinking Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:43:54 +0000 http://www.mindyourthinking.com/?page_id=20#comment-7 [...] Contact Ros [...] [...] Contact Ros [...]

]]> Comment on Changing the World via Twitter by Ros http://www.mindyourthinking.com/determination/changing-the-world-via-twitter/comment-page-1/#comment-6 Ros Mon, 16 Nov 2009 08:47:56 +0000 http://www.mindyourthinking.com/?p=60#comment-6 Hi Stan We all want the best for our nearest and dearest - no-one likes to see their family unhappy. I think there are a couple of things to consider here - firstly, our idea of the best is not necessarily the same as theirs. Can we ever really know what will make someone else happy, or are we projecting our own view of the world on to them and assuming that they operate from the same values and beliefs that we do? Reality is a very subjective thing. Secondly, we cannot be responsible for other people's happiness. I think sometimes an important part of a person's personal growth takes place when they learn from their own mistakes. Of course no-one wants to see people they care about in an unhappy relationship. But what if that was an important part of the learning for that individual? Many relationships head towards the rocks. Some do run aground, but others survive because the people involved decide to work out how to make it work. Relationships like that are strengthened, and so are the individuals concerned. Can we ever really know how things are going to work out? I think regret is a waste of energy. It doesn't change anything. Keeping up the love and support just might! Hi Stan

We all want the best for our nearest and dearest – no-one likes to see their family unhappy.

I think there are a couple of things to consider here – firstly, our idea of the best is not necessarily the same as theirs. Can we ever really know what will make someone else happy, or are we projecting our own view of the world on to them and assuming that they operate from the same values and beliefs that we do? Reality is a very subjective thing.

Secondly, we cannot be responsible for other people’s happiness. I think sometimes an important part of a person’s personal growth takes place when they learn from their own mistakes. Of course no-one wants to see people they care about in an unhappy relationship. But what if that was an important part of the learning for that individual? Many relationships head towards the rocks. Some do run aground, but others survive because the people involved decide to work out how to make it work. Relationships like that are strengthened, and so are the individuals concerned.

Can we ever really know how things are going to work out? I think regret is a waste of energy. It doesn’t change anything. Keeping up the love and support just might!

]]> Comment on Changing the World via Twitter by Stan Gregec http://www.mindyourthinking.com/determination/changing-the-world-via-twitter/comment-page-1/#comment-5 Stan Gregec Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:43:51 +0000 http://www.mindyourthinking.com/?p=60#comment-5 A difficult one. I guess if the role of our friends and family was only ever to be supportive and enthusiastic, then life would be very different as you say. But sometimes people's motivations in offering a dose of "realism" to a situation are because they genuinely care and feel that a different perspective is needed. How would you feel if your son turned up one day and announced he was getting hitched to someone you considered unsuitable and saw disaster ahead? That is a very common situation that families encounter. Would you in that instance adopt a path of unqualified support and endorsement, or would you counsel caution? We all face these kinds of decisions on a daily and weekly basis. What's more important and realistic in any situation or friendship? How do we show our love and support in the most productive way? Is the person who automatically says "yes go for it" doing their loved one a favour - or are you sometimes showing even greater love and courage by being prepared to speak out your true feelings and misgivings? I am looking back on a family situation at the moment, where a family member married (despite the misgivings we had at the time) but we all felt we needed to be supportive and enthusiastic. A year later our misgivings are now starting to be realised and the relationship is heading onto the rocks. Should we have spoken out more forcefully at the time, is the regret we're now grappling with. A difficult one. I guess if the role of our friends and family was only ever to be supportive and enthusiastic, then life would be very different as you say. But sometimes people’s motivations in offering a dose of “realism” to a situation are because they genuinely care and feel that a different perspective is needed.
How would you feel if your son turned up one day and announced he was getting hitched to someone you considered unsuitable and saw disaster ahead? That is a very common situation that families encounter. Would you in that instance adopt a path of unqualified support and endorsement, or would you counsel caution?
We all face these kinds of decisions on a daily and weekly basis. What’s more important and realistic in any situation or friendship?
How do we show our love and support in the most productive way? Is the person who automatically says “yes go for it” doing their loved one a favour – or are you sometimes showing even greater love and courage by being prepared to speak out your true feelings and misgivings?
I am looking back on a family situation at the moment, where a family member married (despite the misgivings we had at the time) but we all felt we needed to be supportive and enthusiastic. A year later our misgivings are now starting to be realised and the relationship is heading onto the rocks. Should we have spoken out more forcefully at the time, is the regret we’re now grappling with.

]]>