Bye Bye Christmas, hello Happy New Year

Gratitude, happiness No Responses »
Dec 302011

Well, Christmas has been and gone in New Zealand and we are just waiting for the New Year to arrive.  All the signs are here.  Road blocks at Mount Maunganui, the beach nearby, to make the area a pedestrian-only zone for the annual celebrations which take place there every year; liquor bans for a radius of several kilometres to ensure that drunk and disorderly behaviour from a select but obnoxious group is kept to a minimum.  A higher police presence doing random checks for alcohol concealed in cars or bags, mid-afternoon breathtesting just down from the ocean beach.

None of this bothers me at all.  In fact I am grateful for the resources that the country puts into enabling people to have a good time following an age-old tradition of partying and seeing the New Year in with music and fireworks at the beach, while trying very hard to make sure it is an occasion that all the family, young and old, can enjoy without fear of being hurt or abused.  Sure, it is a bit more inconvenient for most of us, in fact very inconvenient for a few local residents (though they have a lot to gain by being well protected) .

Christmas was an especially important time for our family this year, as we said farewell to a beloved Nana the week before Xmas.  We were grateful to have the opportunity to regroup on Xmas Day and just to enjoy each other’s company, with the reminder in the back of our minds that we do not live for ever and that each day and each person matters.  What we enjoyed most was not the food or the presents, but spending time together with mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces and a few close friends.  Wherever you are in the world, and whatever holiday you are celebrating, or not, I hope that 2012 brings you good health, happiness and hope for the future.  Kia Ora.

Posted by Ros at 11:59 am

What's your definition of happiness?

happiness No Responses »
Aug 162010

I was walking with a friend recently when we got into a discussion about happiness.  I was quite surprised when he said that he didn’t aspire to be happy; for him it was more about getting through each day.

It occurred to me that this was actually his definition of happiness, even though he didn’t actually use the word happiness.  When I mentioned this he agreed.  Yes, he said, I think of happiness as an absence of worry, anxiety or emotional pain.  What he was describing seemed to me to be the kind of quiet contentment  which has less of the highs and lows of pleasurable experiences, which may be more intense but more brief.

It seems to be that there is something comforting about the contentment kind of happiness.  It may not contain the extreme highs and lows  of pleasure but is like an old friend, right there beside you through thick and thin if you only take the time to notice and reach out.

What’s your definition of happiness?  ‘What will you be seeing, hearing and feeling that let’s you know you are happy?

Posted by Ros at 11:32 pm

Being even happier

Gratitude, happiness, Love No Responses »
Aug 162010

I recently heard this question asked : What could you do to be even happier than you are now, even if nothing in the world around you changed?  What a powerful question!  If nothing in the world around me is changing, then that only leaves … me.

My thoughts, my perspective, my actions.  Seeing something in a different, more positive light.  Looking for the best of each moment, looking for the opportunity in every difficulty, seeing what is great about every person, being present to whatever is happening, chewing more and tasting every mouthful, listening carefully and respectfully.

What could you do to be even happier than you are now, even if nothing in the world around you changed?

Posted by Ros at 11:17 pm

Are you 'shoulding' on yourself

happiness No Responses »
Jan 152010

Most of us spend our childhoods being conditioned to behave in a certain way.  Our parents tell us what we should be doing, our teachers tell us what we should be doing, society tells us what we should be doing.  Of course, there are good reasons why we need to behave in certain ways at certain times – considering others as well as ourselves, taking responsibility for our actions, being committed to our family and friends.  The trouble is that the word can start to haunt us as adults, and we often take on rules that really belong to other people, or are appropriate in some contexts but not others.  Here’s an example - ”you should always do your best”.  Is that actually true?  Personally there are times when I believe that is not true for me.  For example, when I am doing the filing.  I loathe filing bits of paper, many of which I will probably never actually look at again, but like to keep just in case!  I have invented a new filing system called the “Dining Room Chair”  filing system.  Every so often I stick a piece of paper on each of my 8 dining room chairs, labelled according to some category like “Work”, “Home”, “Coaching Resources”, “Speeches” etc, and sort the paper pile onto one of these chairs.  I even have a chair labelled “Miscellaneous”!  Then I put the papers from each chair into a box in my office and that’s it – my filing is done!  Then when I am looking for something I know which box to look in.  Is it perfect?  No.  Is it color-coded?  No.  Is it alphabetical?  No.  Does it work?  So far, yes.  Did I do my best?  No!  I did my quickest and the least necessary to get the pile off the office desk! 

Look out for that voice in your head telling you what to do.  Just because it is coming from your head, don’t fall in to the trap of believing it’s telling you the truth.  Doing what you “should” do can make you very unhappy.  Decide whether you are doing something because you want  to or whether you are taking too much notice of the voices in your head.

Posted by Ros at 1:28 am

Savour the moment

happiness No Responses »
Oct 172009

I’ve been reading a bit about weight loss lately – I often have good intentions but the appeal of Cadbury’s Milk Chocolate is always too great!  There are so many fad diets and theories about what to eat and not to eat out there it’s a minefield.

One of the tips that really appeals to me because it is so simple yet effective is that of chewing food really well and truly experiencing the sensations of tasting and feeling the food before swallowing it.  How often have you been in such a hurry to gulp your food down it’s gone before you’ve even noticed what’s on your plate.  My mother used to tell me to chew every mouthful 20 times before swallowing.  She was wiser than I ever gave her credit for!  Now I endeavour to give my full attention to every mouthful, to notice the texture of what I am eating, to experience fully the glorious tastes on my tastebuds. The result – I enjoy and appreciate the food much more and find that my hunger is satisfied more quickly and easily.

Imagine savouring life in the same way.  Being fully in the experience of each moment, rather than being so desperate to get to the next thing that we fail to notice what is happening now.  If you live life thinking “I’ll be happy when ..” then start chewing each moment at least 20 times.  You may be surprised at how much more satisfying you find life.

Posted by Ros at 8:15 pm

Embrace the day - be happy no matter what!

Gratitude, happiness No Responses »
Jun 222009

How were you feeling when you woke up this morning? Did you leap cheerfully out of bed or drag yourself groaning from between the covers.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking each day is just another one to be endured. Another day at the office, in the business, doing housework. Yet today is the first day of the rest of your life. And you don’t know how long that life will be. So you might as well make the best of it.

But I have so many problems, you might say. Fuel is going up, interest rates are too high, the kids are playing up, I can’t afford a new car. OK, all true maybe. But what is going well in your life. It is much better to focus your attention on what is going well than what is not. I am sure you have heard the saying “what you focus on persists”. So focus on what’s going well, working well, the special people in your life. What do you have to be grateful for? Remind yourself every morning and night of at least 5 things you have to be thankful for and make this part of your routine like cleaning your teeth. Then embrace the day and do what ever you have to do with the most joy and vitality you can muster. Have a great day!!

Posted by Ros at 4:11 am

Being happy, no matter what

happiness, Resilience No Responses »
Jun 222009

It would be really helpful if someone invented a means of extracting the key points from a book straight into my head so that a) it saves me the time it takes to read it and b) I can remember the contents word for word! I have so many books lying round my house that I have read and now need to re-read that I’ll probably be in a retirement home before I’ve finished them! And most of them have such great content that I’d like to share with the rest of the world.

My current focus is on Richard Carlson’s “You can be Happy No Matter What”. Is that really true, I have asked myself in the past? Before I became a coach I often wondered what makes some people so happy all the time. I had friends who were in the most awful personal circumstances but still had a smile on their face. I heard inspirational speakers with no legs tell me it’s all about attitude. I often wondered how you get the right attitude when you are feeling ghastly and your world seems to be fallng down around you.

Here are a few of Carlson’s takes on happiness and how to achieve it.

Our experience of life is determined by our thoughts and beliefs about life, not the events themselves. Different people can experience the same event in quite different ways, depending on how they interpret the event.

We all have a different and unique view of the world. This is based on what we were taught, the beliefs that we have taken on for ourselves, and the meanings we have put on our life experiences to date. Understanding that we all see the world through different coloured glasses allows us to be curious about the world view of others around this. This results in far greater tolerance for those whose opinions differ from our own and as a result we can have better relationships.

It is quite natural to have low moods. Inevitably, when we are feeling low we have unhelpful thoughts which can sabotage us. Don’t be fooled into thinking that our thoughts are telling us the truth when we feel down.

Similarly, other people in a low mood may speak and act in a unhelpful way. Don’t take it seriously – it’s what people do when they are in a low mood. Wait until they are in a good mood before tackling them about a difficult subject.

Contentment comes when when we are not having unhelpful thoughts. We feel positive. We see life more clearly. We are more able to be fully present, since we are not stuck in the past, worrying about the future or beating ourselves up. We are in the “zone”!

We need to listen to our feelings and use them as a mechanism to identify unhelpful thoughts. We must ignore the stories we are telling ourselves – it’s time to get ourselves back in to a more positive state of mind. We cannot solve problems when we are in such an unhelpful frame of mind.

Keeping our minds off our problems will allow us to maintain a state of wellbeing. We need to stop analysing our negative feeliings. If we are feeling bad we need to get out of our minds so that we can get back to feeling good.

Real happiness lies in keeping our attention on the here and now. Being present. Check out another couple of great books, by Eckhart Tolle, on the subject of being present : The Power of Now and A New Earth. Here are some Awakening Exercises which include techniques for living more in the present moment and getting out of our thinking.

Posted by Ros at 4:08 am
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